What's going on? 
Gianni Versace's daughterWhat's going on???
" Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else "
I came across this verse a few years ago and eversince, it was truly ebbed in my mind.
I guess it's time I start my work. To face the issue of having any kind of eating disorder is quite difficult for gals like me today. I have to be thin yet not allowing anyone to know that I want to be thin. I have to think about how not to eat at certain times in order to eat at other times. I have to wallow in pity when I ate more than what I think I was suppose to eat. I will overeat to make myself feel better but hate myself for it didn't help either. In the morning, I will run. In the afternoon, I will think about running. In the night, I will think about running the next morning. When I am running Running RUNing.... I banged into this:
Yes. I will truly be dead. Even if I survive physically, I will still be mentally - DEAD
I think she's been staring at it for hours...
I tell myself it must end here (this very moment).
2 comments:
ying, i think it's really brave of u to post this entry and to face urself. i noe u have been facing the reality le but i guess it's not enough without any actions taken.
"said easier than done" &
"talk is cheap"
i have to say it's easy to say "i will stop here, from this very moment" perphaps u didnt take any action.
come on, u are not the only one having thots like "i shouldnt eat now cos i sure have to eat a lot later when i meet nana, coco, leong, lim and so on.." i will have those thots too. and "oh gosh my cellulite is appearing fast" i guess every gal will have these thots.
honestly speaking, u are definitely in a better shape than most gals, with regular exercises. i only started gyming recently, since my PE lessons in JC days. and i've put on weight since then too! but what to do? i cant go back to those days anymore. my cellulite that seems to be appearing will not just disappear even after many gyming. i can only slow down the process of it appearing.
look at what u have gal: nice straight hair (whenso many gals have to rebond), good complexion, a healthy body, being able to complete Standard Chartered 10km run (which i dun think i can make it),and the determination to slim down. many gals want to slim down yet they lack the determination. look at urself. u've done it gal. so dun dwell on it. it will only make u more miserable!
JIA YOU! We'll always be here for u!
Gal,
I teared when I saw what you wrote to me.It touched me to the core!
Perhaps you relaly understand what I have gone trough cause you were with me during my secondary school days. Eating disorder really disrupts my life - no space for my dreams, no love for my friends and family, no energy to do what i am suppose to do. My world becomes so small... and the sad thing about it is - that is NOT me.
Yah. talk is cheap. Action speaks louder. It's not that I never tried, its just that I slip back at times. I believe this time round after admitting my weakness, I should be able to do something.
Moreover, I want feel that I have a calling to help those who are like me. So first things first - get myself healed.
By the way, you are one special gal. Every encouraging, forward-looking and true to your heart! you are a fighter too! I feel blessed to have u in my life ( sounds rou ma but never mind)
okay... I have this 'so near yet so far' feeling again... waiting for u to come back for walas, shopping, gym and so much more...
Hwaiting!
Till we meet *^_^*
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